Friday, October 2, 2009

How I met my wife.

I love the show How I Met Your Mother, it never fails to make me laugh, it also makes me think of how I met Kiki.

I completed grade 10 in June of 1992, one of the last things I did before leaving for the summer was to pick my classes for the next year. Myself and 3 of my friends decided that an awesome way to pick up chicks would be to take Home Ec, it was a fool proof plan, what girl wouldn't want to touch my pee pee after watching me sew for an hour.

Sometime in the middle of summer I received a phone call asking me if I had made a mistake on my class request form, I replied that I hadn't this was met with silence. Once the nice lady was adequatley assured I did in fact want to take home ec I was informed I would have to take the grade 9. Great I thought to myself, these chicks won't even know me, plus I can drive so they'll automatically think I'm the coolest guy ever. Strangely enough none of the other 3 guys got the same call as me, apparently them taking the class was totally normal, I still don't know what made me special enough to get the are you sure call.

Come September we were convinced we'd have our choice of 25 girls, we figured we'd take a different one out every weekend until we figured out which ones would be lucky enough to have us (yes I've always had an inflated sense of self worth) sadly our little plan didn't work, I think we just managed to confuse these girls, we were met with looks of "what the hell are they doing here" instead of "mmm quick let's drop our pants"

I quickly realized that this class sucked, it was horrible, not only did we have to cook with food that was past the due date we were expected to eat it, there was only one saving grace, a lovely girl called Vicki, we had never really spoken in class cause we were never in the same kitchen, but I had started hanging out with her at noon hour and waiting with her for her bus after school, I was really starting to fall for this girl, the only problem? she wasn't single, in fact she was dating someone I had known for years, at that point in my life he was probably the person I hated the most, imagine how happy I was that the girl I wanted was with him. I should probably at this point mention that I was a bit of a man whore at this stage of life, in the month or so since I had started hanging out with Vicki I think I went through 7-8 girlfriends, never lasting more than 3 days. Twice that I can recall I didn't even remember their names when asked on Monday morning.

By November my lust was starting to turn into something more, Vicki was now single but I had actually managed to be with the same girl, Anick for about 3 weeks (the fact that she was my best friends girl friend didn't matter) I was at burger king with Anick and a bunch of friends when I saw Vicki and her friend walking past, I ran outside to talk to her, an hour or so later Anick came out to see where I was, at this point I had no choice but to tell her that I was no longer interested in her but wanted someone else, her response? I quote "if you stay with me I'll suck your dick and let you fuck me tonight" I declined and told her I was leaving. She then informed me that she was going to kick Vicki's ass, did I mention Anick is a black belt? She went over to Vicki who at this point had no idea that I even had feelings for her and started making threats, fortunatly there were many people there that night that hated Anick so she got quite a few threats back. After a bit things calmed down and I went back to vicki's house, where we decided to start dating. 17 years later she's still stuck with me. Poor girl.


  1. You should have gotten your willy wet then dumped her the next day silly.

  2. That's not very romantic you whore.

  3. You think that was bad, wait until I blog about our first few anniversaries.

  4. This is the most awesome story ever. I'm jealous of it.

  5. I could've had a ninja threaten you too, but I found it to be unnecessary.